Saturday, April 17, 2010
Love to hate or you hate to love
Are you afraid of being left by?
Your love in shadow of seclusion
Or you don’t wish to miss someone
Who has her own life, other than you
Whom you value more than existence
For whom you do have sentiments
Unaware of you is she or pretends to be
Busy somewhere in her own life and love
It’s pathetic you love your love
Instead your love is treated as unwanted
As an illegitimate child, you’re loathed for it
I know how terrible would be the plight
You get hatred by the one you love most
Whom for you pray to god in silence
Bless her with all endless happiness
“You punish me yet never let her feel sad
Her b’ful smiling face makes me always glad”
You’d wish to be dead better than being neglected
By this person whom you always wanted
You get this, and all kinds of sarcasm
Don’t you feel love is adamant
Don’t you feel now kind of fear from love
If not you’re too an insane my dear
Sometimes love guides you to apex
Often it turns a civilized into savage
It’s your choice to be what you want
Believe me it’s like a blessed heavenly package
Whom everyone is not meant to have
Those who get this love get a life
Those don’t have a life lost in strife
then and now always it was same dear
to walk perfectly the edge of razor
Walking alone.
I lift my head and see my friends,
far ahead.
I shout to them.
They walk faster.
My feet stop.
I stand still.
A horrible ache clogs my throat.
I lower my head,
and continue to walk.
At my locker.
I lift my head.
My eyes meet hers,
for a brief moment.
She looks away quickly.
My stomach lurches.
I see her talking with her friends.
She laughs,
I double over.
as if I’d been punched.
I might as well have been.
I’m surrounded by them now.
Their voices echo around me,
it is at if I am not there.
I talk to her,
she walks away.
I stare at him.
He turns,
he looks right through me.
Voices scream at me,
I miss the catch,
I trip and fall,
I’m the last one
at the wall.
Always.
No one wants me.
I set my books down.
A girl shoves them off.
I try a different chair.
Chorus’s of “Taken.” ring out.
The bell rings.
I pick up my books,
I stumble as
someone knocks against me.
My friends
are moving farther.
And farther.
Away.
I look up again.
The room is empty.
Taunts surround me.
Voices jeer at me from all sides.
They push me out of the way.
I try to smile.
They laugh harshly.
A hand shoves me,
I fall hard against a tree.
They laugh harder.
They say they’re joking.
They say they care.
They never see,
that they’re killing me.
I am on the verge of tears.
But crying
would make it worse.
So
much
worse.
I talk normally.
I am an unvarying mask of happiness.
No one knows.
I reveal nothing to anyone,
but when I do.
My back is instantly stabbed.
Hard.
No one knows.
I smile and laugh.
I run to catch up
I shrug off their insults.
I pretend I don’t care.
But when I’m alone.
I cry
Until I’m gasping for breath.
I sit in the dark.
My eyes are red.
My cheeks are tearstained.
I raise the knife.
I want to end it all.
The next day begins.
Whenever someone looks at me
my heart breaks
and I die a little more inside.
And no one will ever know.
Blogged
@ 4/17/2010
Don't let me go -
